3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
