she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
