Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Every concussion has its silver lining
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
