My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
