Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
