hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
