just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
