Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
