Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
