shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
