Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Your penis caused this!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
