A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
