I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
