I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
