Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
