i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
