i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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