Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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