Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
