They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
