Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
honey bunches of taint.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
