Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
