I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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