OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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