the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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