I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
