We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
