Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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