It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
