she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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