Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
