apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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