Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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