I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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