She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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