I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
