you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
handjob tips. give me some.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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