11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
