A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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