remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
