I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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