I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
