How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
