Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
