I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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