what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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