I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
