Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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