In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
