thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
